Do you ever struggle to let go of the past because you never received closure or resolution regarding past events or relationships? This lack of closure can keep you mentally and emotionally tethered to the past. Dwelling on past mistakes, regrets, and what-ifs can keep you stuck in your story of secret shame, grief, anger, depression, bitterness, and self-blame.
The main reason why some of us hold on so long to a relationship that broke our hearts is because we miss the person they were in the beginning or we miss the person we thought they were or the one we imagined or convinced ourselves they were. Sometimes it's hard to accept that we didn't SEE those flashing red lights warning us that a relationship, job, organization, assignment, or our compulsive need to help or rescue others was not healthy for us. Letting go of the past requires accepting that imperfect relationships, miss-takes, growing pains, seasons, shifts, and losses are a natural part of life. (read more in my e-book "ShiFT Happens")
Some of us had sabotaging and self-destructive ways to cope with life (e.g. addictions, anger, compulsive spending, eating, drugs, or drinking, cheating, avoidance/isolation, procrastination, bitterness, extreme busyness, blaming, acts of desperation, gambling, reckless sex, porn, etc.)
Some people cling to the past as a way of maintaining a sense of control over their lives. By holding onto familiar routines, relationships, or ways of thinking, they may feel more secure and in control, even if it prevents them from growing and evolving.
Past traumas, regrets, and unresolved emotions can continue to exert a powerful influence on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Clinging to the past may serve as a way to avoid confronting and processing these difficult emotions.
I serve my counseling/coaching clients by helping them to see how liberating it is to take the following 10 steps to heal from the past:
Acceptance: Acknowledge that what happened cannot be changed. Accept that it is a part of your past but not your present or future. Acceptance is the first step towards healing.
Feel your emotions: Allow yourself to feel the emotions associated with the hurt or mistake. It's okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. Suppressing emotions can prolong the healing process.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding to yourself. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and experiences pain. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend in a similar situation.
Learn from the experience: Reflect on what you can learn from the past. What insights can you gain from it? How can you grow and become better as a result?
Release resentment: Holding onto resentment only prolongs your suffering. Practice forgiveness, both towards others and yourself. Forgiveness does not mean condoning the actions that caused the hurt but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.
Focus on the present: Shift your focus from dwelling on the past to living in the present moment. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Practice mindfulness to help you stay grounded in the present.
Set boundaries: If necessary, set boundaries to protect yourself from experiencing similar hurt in the future. Learn to assertively communicate your needs and enforce boundaries that support your well-being.
Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, counselor, or therapist for support. Talking about your feelings with someone you trust can help you gain perspective and feel supported through the healing process.
Practice gratitude: Cultivate gratitude for the positive aspects of your life. Focus on what you are grateful for in the present moment rather than dwelling on past grievances.
Stay patient and persistent: Healing from past hurt takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and trust the process with persistence, you will gradually let go and move forward towards a brighter future.
To invite Jewel Diamond Taylor as the keynote speaker for your event or one-on-one life coaching, podcast interview, or info to attend the above events...email - JewelMotivates@gmail.com
Jewel Diamond Taylor's upcoming speaking schedule:
April 13 - Save the date for Jewel Diamond Taylor's next monthly "EmpowHER Real Talk GatHERing" in Inglewood, CA, Saturday, April 13, 12 noon. NO FEE required to attend.
Seating Limited to 50
RSVP required to insure we have enough chairs and refreshments.
email - JewelMotivates@gmail.com or text (562) 735-5916
April 27 - Life Church Women's Tea - Riverside, CA
May 5 - Sunday Sermon at L. A. Third Church, Los Angeles
Sept 3 - 6 - Women on the Grow Annual reTREAT in Malibu
Contact info about upcoming events - email - JewelMotivates@gmail.com
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To schedule a one-on-one life coaching session or INVITATION to speak for your organization, event, retreat, church, or workplace - email - JewelMotivates@gmail.com
Thank you, Jewel for your wonderful words of wisdom. May God bless you and keep you..